Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
