thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
