I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i think my mom watched the whole time
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
