He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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