I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
