Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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