I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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