I just made out with a guy for $7.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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