Porn is love you can see.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
