'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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