So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize