I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
