ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My dick has a subreddit
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
