You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
