Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
