I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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