I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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