What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
