like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
