just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
