i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
