that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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