I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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