She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
