Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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