his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
