just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
