what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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