When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
