I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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