dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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