theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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