I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
