his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize