The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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