The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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