How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
