just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
