about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
found the other keg... it's in the tree
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize