Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
