i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Barsexuality is the new black.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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