All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize