And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
