i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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