I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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