Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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