i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
