It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize