i think my mom watched the whole time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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