Grow some girl-balls and come out already
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
