We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
