i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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