There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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