he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
