Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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