My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
