Swine flu. Run for my life!
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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