She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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