Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
