I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize