You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
