you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
