some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
third nipple confirmed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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