I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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