we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
