M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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