I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I met the friendliest cop last night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
