Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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