is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize