what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
