She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize