Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
