went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize