And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
